18

Finally. The big day has come. I am going to turn 18 tomorrow. This day I’ve been waiting for since I can’t even remember is finally in reach. But I can’t help it. Now I’m starting to wonder if I even want to turn or be 18 years old. My childhood will be officially over by law. Yes I know that I’m not a child anymore, but it still seems like such an ultimate turning point of my life which hasn’t been really long yet. It feels like a border I will never be able to cross after this very day. The border to being carefree, not worrying about your future, your duties or in general what to do with your life on a personal and proffessional basis. It seems like a door is closing behind me preventing me from turning back and forcing me to move forward and look ahead. And the future is scary. Who knows what might happen next? You can only plan and hope the best that your plans work out the way you want them to and that your dreams come true. Because now YOU are responsible for yourself  and your dreams. Not your parents or your teachers or your friends. YOU. And yes your parents and friends will still support you in any possible way, but you are taking over the steering wheel. It is your responsibility. And there are so many other responsibilities to fulfill. The society is going to treat me like an adult from tomorrow on, but do I feel like an adult? My answer is NO!!! Absolutely not. I feel like a child being pushed in too many directions at once, trying to figure out the right way to go, like being thrown into ice-cold water.

But still… I also feel like breaking free. Despite all those creepy things ahead there is so much I can look forward to! I could go to every party, drive the car on my own, without my parents, travel to other countries, earn money to finance those journeys, live adventures, take responsibility, learn who I really am, develope from new experiences, be independent, do what I want to do and only what I want to do. Make my dreams come true. So yes I’ll leap into this cold water. Head first. Because there will be risks and the future won’t be easy, but all I can do is to try my best, to love myself, to love my life. The way it is. The way I am. Just me, just Fine. With all my flaws and imperfections. Give love to my family and friends. Because that’s it. Love is the key. And the rest will follow.

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